Someone's Gay Friend

My best friend had been back from his holidays. He was away for three months vacationing, while I was working part-time so that I could take things slow, one step at a time to think about my proper career path. I must admit, I kinda felt lonely when he was gone. It's not that I don't have any other friends, but he's one of the closest ones I have here.

We met a year ago, he was starting his Master's degree, and so did I. We went to different unis but stayed in the same area and we both have similar opinions about certain things which made us get along well (with many differences too but we respect each other's opinions). Our courses were different but we shared similar interest in post-colonialisms, which became the subject of most of our discussions. We're not activists in any sense, but we always thought of ourselves as a fighter in the realm of intellectual discourses and academic literatures. We tried our best to provide different perspectives to the general conceptions of the East and the West.

Anyhow, I digress.

So he's back in town, and we're leaving together next week back to our homeland. I came out to him last August, because I know I can trust him, and I feel that he's the kind of person who's open to a different kinds of identity and ideology. We practically fight for that rights in academics sense, so I know I can trust him with who I really am. And also partly because he wouldn't stop talking about girls, and I truly felt uncomfortable lengthening any kind of conversation about woman with him. He's straight, obviously. We were talking about Tinder then, and he was passing comments about the girls on it (well that's the whole point of Tinder, physical appearances is the basis of its workings). I told him I had Tinder too, and that I used it to swipe men only. The rest was history.

So we were out having dinner just now, and he talked about his new obsession - snapchat. He was taking photos and videos of me all the while we were out and told me it was for his snapchat, which was odd considering why should I be in his snapchat. Surely you use snapchat to document your little moments?

Then he said to me that he had told some of his friends while he's on vacations that he has a gay friend. He showed them some videos of me he had recorded whenever we were goofing around, which mostly involved me singing and dancing, or making comments about certain things in a funny stereotypically gay-ish way. He said his friends like me from those videos, so the snapchat thing was to update my usual gay moments. (Don't worry, I trust him, and his snapchat is private, his friends are like us too, unorthodox).

I didn't know how to take it really, and I don't want to start reading into it too much. I'm open about who I am, and the circle of friends that I have as of now mostly know my preferences, only a couple of people I explicitly told them that I love boys. But I don't know, there's something about being called as a 'gay friend' that makes me think how to take that in. It's a new thing to digest. I don't hate it, but I don't see a reason why I should be seen as 'gay friend' when I can just be a...'friend'?

I mean, I am gay, and I am a friend, so there's nothing wrong with 'gay friend' really. Technically, that's who I am. I don't know, perhaps for some people, having gay friends make them feel different too, having some kind of pride that they have gay friends. But it seems like I'm reduced to being an object, a possession to be proud of acquiring. Does the 'gay' label is necessary for my friendship?

At first I think it's unnecessary, right? Because, I don't need to be constantly labelled as the gay friend. I am who I am, my sexuality don't have to be made clear wherever I go. But at the same time, I feel like there's power in labels too. Like it gives me a safe place to be who I am with my friends, and admitting the deepest part of my emotions - I LIKE GUYS and I AM GAY. It's also a reminder that I'm not alone, being labelled as gay is something powerful too, and so I should learn how to accept it when I hear it from another person, which is rare because whenever I came out, people would noted it but constantly avoid to use the word 'gay'. It's not a bad word, but it seems like people would rather not use it.

I mean, rather than using the word 'gay', many choose to use the term 'PLU' instead back home. People Like Us, a powerful label in my opinion to carry the meaning of being gay and that they are not alone. Either 'gay' or 'PLU', the issue is really about hearing it said to you, especially from a bestfriend. I thought when we came to terms with who we are, that's all there is, but it also means that we have to redefine ourselves to other people. And when people redefine us in that way, would we be okay with it? We want people to know us as who we are, but when it does happens, would they see us differently? Or would we still be the same person as they knew before we came out to them?

For me, I don't know, I'm still figuring out this whole 'I am a gay friend to my bestfriend' or 'I am a friend to my bestfriend' or 'I am a friend who happened to be gay to my bestfriend' or 'I am gay, and I have a bestfriend'. I don't think it's a big deal really, but something just made me feel a bit conscious when my bestfriend said, "I have a gay friend."

I'm not sure whether I make any sense. What do you think?