Relationship Goal

So I just came back from meeting a guy tonight (yes I know it's Ramadhan, but don't worry nothing NSFW went on). He's a Latino, city professional, 30 years of age. For the purpose of this post let's call him Collin.

We spent the night walking around the city getting to know one another. It was okay at first then he dropped the bomb...."I'm married."

I lost my cool inside obviously, keeping my face calm, "Oh yeah, cool."

I mean I really don't prefer to mess around with people in a relationship. I mean who does, right? If you're in a relationship, you would hope that your significant other wouldn't go around messing with other dudes.

But what can I do, I already took the time out to spend with him, so I might as well stay with him and see how the night went. In my mind, I was thinking either he's in an open relationship (marriage that is!), or that he's just being unfaithful. Either way, I realised I shouldn't judge him straight away since we were only talking and hadn't done anything sexual. He might just want to be friends for all I know.

So he went on and said he's married to a Malay guy, which then became interesting as we talked about how he handled the situation being in the marriage as the other half.

They were together for 14 years now, and that was a great deal of work to maintain a relationship let alone marriage. Any gay guys know this. I was quite concerned with how his partner came out to his family knowing that he's a Malay just like me, and how Collin handled that as well.

So it seems that since they were together for that long, it wasn't hard for his husband's family to realise that they were in a relationship. From the story he told me, the family pretty much handled it well, though they don't talk about it much.

For me I think that's good enough. As long as his husband doesn't have to hide who he is, and that his family is still with him, accepting who he is, that's an achievement not many Malay gays can afford. Collin said his husband's family knew who he is and he spent a lot of time in Malaysia too with them. They seem pretty close to each other so all is well.

I was quite envious then with his husband, and respect my boundary with Collin. I was of course disappointed that he didn't make it clear he was married when we texted before meeting.

But the night turned out well. We went to a few gay venues just scouting really, and walked along a river, eating street foods and had some drinks. He did mention that the reason he went out with me was that they were going through some phases with their sexual life. Quoting Collin, "he's not explorative enough." Not shockingly, his husband didn't know he's out with me.

As much as I like this guy, I don't want to be a person that's involved in other people's relationship. As I see it, Collin can be a good friend and that's about it.

I've yet to see how this go but I definitely know that there is some hope in being a gay Malay that is in a relationship with a supportive family. I can't compare and generalise the situation, but at least with this real life story it sure gives a bit of hope.

I won't change my family's views nor I want them to change mine, but I do want them to accept me for who I am just as much as I accept them for who they are.

Maybe one day I'll find my own significant other and we can be happily married.

And when I think about it again, marriage is a big thing, there are bound to be some obstacles. Collin also mentioned that the reason he sought other guy was to rekindle his love for his husband and for his emotional needs too. Which I really don't get, but knowing that in the end it all boils down to his husband is enough to make me see that Collin love his husband very very much.

*sigh* don't you want that kind of partner in your life? That's a relationship goal we might not know if we stop trying...