Awkward Date

So I just came back from the most awkward date ever. I wouldn't even call it a date since we're not looking for a long-term relationship, but more of a hookup with a touch of casualty.

There were too many awkward moments and I honestly don't know where to begin.

So Adrian found me on Grindr. This was exactly a week ago. He texted me and I duly replied. I was meeting another guy from Grindr during the time and was of course keeping it casual.

I'm sure a lot of you know what Grindr is for. As my roommate beautifully put it, "the app's name is 'Grind(ing)', what else would you expect?".

Since I was already meeting up another person during the time, there wasn't much point to flirt around. With all that being said about Grindr, I'm always positively hopeful of the good things that might come out of it, like a good long term, fill with commitment relationship.

Now we talked and chatted a bit, like the things we're into and all that kind of stuff. Then he went silent for a week until he texted me again yesterday.

As usual, I'm always open for any possibilities. I was waiting to meet another person yesterday, but he ended up sick and had to cancel, so after a few texts, Adrian and I arranged to meet today.

But I woke up with a small tongue ulcer this morning and a swollen gum. I suspected it's from my sleeping position, I might've pushed the tongue against my teeth. So I informed Adrian that I couldn't do anything oral as the ulcer is painful, and the swollen gum is very uncomfortable. For that reason we agreed to just take a walk.

Sensing that taking a walk by its very nature is awkward, he suggested a movie instead, which I agreed. The chat around this arrangement was the start to the most awkward evening ever. I told him I would check what's good on show, and if there's anything worth going, we would do cinema movie and if not we would just do home movie. So I said perhaps Magic Mike XXL, Pixels or Trainwreck would be fun to watch. To which he said he didn't know any of it and would prefer anything as long as it's not horror or violence movie.

To this I was like, OMFG! HOW CAN ANYONE NOT KNOW MAGIC MIKE! AND YOU'RE GAYYYYYY!

I think he also assumed Trainwreck to be a violence movie, thus his reply. But after politely saying that it's a comedy, we're set to watch Trainwreck. Obviously in my mind I wanna watch John Cena's sexy bum! I could go to town with his ass in front of me! And I thought that might interest Adrian too, you know what with being gay and all.

He was 10 minutes early than we set, so I had to dash to meet him. The moment we saw one another, I can feel that we have no chemistry whatsoever. Like zero, nadaa!

It's not that he's not attractive or anything, he's good looking, well-built and city professional. But I don't know, I can just sense that we're not really a match to one another. But since we already have the plan in mind, it's more awkward to end it, and like any other decent person, chances should always be given. For all I know, he might be very likeable indeed and I might be spending the best evening ever.

But hell to the no!

For one, he's not very talkative, and it gets a bit irritating to be the one that's keep asking the question and keep it running. Second, when he did speak, it's more like a mumble than a proper enunciated sentence. Third, his replies were brief and short-lived. I can't even save some of the topics I started.

Obviously I was somewhat uncomfortable with the situation. Thus the awkward silence begun. We took a walk to the cinema in like 50% silence, and the other half were just the like I mentioned above.

To add to the already awkward situation, we arranged to get some food before the movie. So we went to Pizza Hut next to the cinema. At this point, the awkward silence took over 70% of the time and I was literally restless inside. Then the problem with Pizza Hut didn't really help either. The waiter was super nice which obviously put a big contrast to the dynamics we didn't have. Then there were so many people in the place, what was already a mumble from Adrian's mouth turned to a fucking whisper. And then the pizza took ages to come, so we had to pretend (at least I was) we had a good time having some good conversation while frantically looking for that super nice waiter to serve our pizza.

Then came the movie I was looking forward to see. During the movie, I really really enjoyed myself. I mean I laughed, jerked forward during some funny moments, gasped here and there, generally just being a proper cinephile. But he was like a statue, nothing moved, nothing came out of his mouth, and no reactions whatsoever. I obviously felt a bit anxious since I chose the movie and felt guilty if he wasn't enjoying himself. But it was such a good movie, well romcom level of good, obviously not Oscar level, but nonetheless it was a hilarious movie!

When the ticket girl asked us how was the movie afterwards, I was like "Oh it was so good, like so funny.", but he's like "yeah it was alright!".

Alright? Alright!?

Next came the most awkward point, the 'do you wanna head back to mine?' question. I asked him what he wanted to do and he mumbled something like "I don't know." I literally gave up trying then to make the evening enjoyable, but one last thing that might be able to make it a bit better was sex of course.

The cinema was just 5 minutes away from my place, so I invited him over. We walked in silence of course.

Upon entering my place, we just get on with it. Since I couldn't do anything oral, I wasn't particularly enjoying it much. Oral stimulation is a big thing in sex and without it you just have to rely on other's good will of 'serving' you to get you hard. And did I mention that I wanked an hour before the date, because I wasn't really planning on having sex and. It was a last resort kinda thing to rekindle what was there in out text messages.

Then the awkward moment continued...

First he came too soon. I was about to top him when he shot his load. I was like, "what the hell!". He didn't even signal it coming and didn't even jerked. So I asked him whether he really want me in him and he said, "yeah sure." It's like 'yeah you can do whatever you want, I don't really care.'

I personally don't like that kind of sex. If you wanna get on with me, be up for it, be enthusiastic, be prepared (I won't even talk about his seemingly unprepared bottom), and just basically be horny damn it.

So I lost my own libido. Since I'm the top, that spelled disaster to my guy down there. I couldn't get it hard. Having previously wanked and not really have the sex drive just didn't do me any good. After 10 minutes of trying in vain, I gave up. I just said, "I can't do this, I'm sorry."

We had no spark, no chemistry, no match whatsoever...and I just couldn't do it. It was frustrating, and somewhat embarrassing.

I sensed that he was a bit disappointed by that but I mean he had his fault too like coming too quickly. Many people would see that as the end, not the start of a sex session. After lying there exchanging remarks like "Sorry again," and "Oh not it's ok I should be sorry" etc he put his clothes on and left. He even suggested me to go see a doctor...and I'm like, 'dude, I had sex more than you can ever imagine, if my guy doesn't like you, he won't get hard.'

The goodbye kiss or hug or whatever was it just now was another awkward moment.

*sigh* so that's how my evening went today. I suppose I was expecting too much maybe. But from the little information I gathered from him, he was a late bloomer, never had a relationship (like ever), and was just starting to enter the dating or hookup game like a couple of months ago. He literally just entered the gay world. He wasn't even out. I mean I'm out and proud, had too many experience for my age, and basically enthusiastic about a lot of things. So we were basically quite the opposite to one another.

Adrian is the kind of person who caught up with career and the kind that focused on one thing only to realise his time had passed. He's in early thirties btw for those of you wondering. But at least he's making his way now. He realised this fact, as in that I obviously slept around with guys while he's just starting out in this gay world. In a way I felt like I was being judged on it.

My life atm is literally like Amy in Trainwreck, another reason I really wanna watch the movies. I relate to her character and the funny moments happened from being the persons we are.

I suppose one thing I learnt from today is not to jump into a date if you don't really feel like it. I mean we arranged it as such because I couldn't do anything oral, that's all. If I don't have the ulcer, I would just head over to his place and fuck his brain out and be done with it. That's what he was proposing at first anyhow.

Spending time like taking a stroll, grab some food, and watch a movie together must only be reserved to someone that you really wanna work something out of it. As of now, I only have one person I would wanna do those things. But he lives 200 miles away. We skyped everyday and I'm so looking forward to see him at the end of this month.

I mean one other thing that you can do is keeping it the old-fashioned way as well. Like if you have a colleague that you really like and you already know each other on the surface and would like to get to know each other more, these are more suited. But if you really just looking for a fuck, then there's no need for beating around the bush kind of hanging out, just get on with it really.

And save yourself all these awkward moments.