More Changes

My daily routine has been quite mundane at the moment. I am supposedly focusing on finishing my thesis but I was quite easily distracted with social media, drama series and occasional porn. It really is not what I'm hoping for my life routine, but it certainly shows the kind of person I am.

With that being said, it's about time I change it. By taking the first step to enjoy celibacy for a period of time, I think it's also the time some changes venture into other parts of my life. The other changes that I made apart from was my sleeping habit. I used to stay up all night and slept in the morning, waking up around or after noon to a groggy feeling that eventually lead to some more wasted times by being sluggish for the entire day. Now that I had forced myself not to sleep at all in the day, I finally manage to change it to the normal sleeping schedule. By 9pm I'm already a sleepy head and woke up nice and fresh around 6am.

Next is my academic work. Now this one prove to be the hardest one I have yet to face. I've always been lazy with my study. I wasn't like this when I was in school, but since I started uni, I just lost interest in studying altogether. I do feel some kind of regrets for not making the right decision from the start, but I don't like to do things halfway. After all, there are a lot of money involved, so I can't manage to screw things up. I have many writings to be done and have been taking 2 weeks off again which is an immature thing to do considering with the level of degree I am at. But for what it's worth, I have a lovely and kind supervisor, so that was okay. But I hate not being able to meet someone else's expectations. I just want to be the best student I can really, and I know I am not giving out my best effort for it. Now having said that, I will after this post, try my best to keep up some good work. Hopefully, there'll be some improvements.

Moving on to social life, I'm trying to limit myself to one social outings per week. So everything has to be planned. No more random hookup and no more spontaneous socials. The reason is not only for my sexual revolution but also for my academic life. To put more focus on the latter, I have to be more calculative for the former and other outings. So today me and my friend were supposed to go out to a festival in city centre, but he bailed out on me at the last minute, choosing to go to a lavender farm having picnic with my other friends instead. I was a bit pissed of course, since we promised to go out today, and he basically ditched me by choosing an alternative option that was presented to him just a few hours before we go out. He invited me along but I'm not up for a large outing with other people, I just wanna go out having some nice time in the city - though it would be very crowded - and come back home to continue doing some readings. Luckily I have another friend that agree to go out with me, so all is well.

But to be fair, I backed out on a guy yesterday too. We arranged to meet for you-know-what because I was, let just say, feeling a bit sexually repressed and need it out of my system. But then I remembered it's best for me to stop doing such random things with guys as much as I would like to. It's not only for my celibacy mission, but for my emotional needs too. I've been watching gay drama series and reading erotic stories that I realise I actually want sex to mean something more than just the physicality of it all. So I told the guy I won't be able to make it, and let just say karma works its wonder on me today. For what it's worth, I learnt not to make promises that you can't keep. So it's best to be honest from the start. And once you make a promise, try to commit to it unless you have a very good reason not to. If you're really not up for it at the last hour, it's still ok to discuss and be honest about it.

So those are a few things I'm trying to amend in my life. The academic part is my first priority now. I really need to get it done as soon as I can. I can't wait to finish it all. As for my socials, though I'm staying away from hookups, I'm still up for hanging out with new guys and what not. I'm meeting a French guy next week, we've been talking for a couple of months now. And then another one a few weeks from now, a British guy who is so my type but sadly already taken (as it's always happen to me T.T). Then I had set a meetup with another one, also a British guy of Caribbean origins, but we sort of lost in touch for a while now. I'm not sure if he's still up for a meetup, we facetimed a couple of times before. Perhaps the flames weren't the same like when we first chatted. Anyhow, these are casual, non-sexual and let's-get-to-know-each-other kind of meet ups. So all is well according to plan.

Right, I'm off to city centre now. Until then, stay true to yourself :)